Tart of the Week: Mary Read

Argh, we've never had a tart of the high seas so perhaps we must speak of Mary Read in true pirate-speak. Follow along as best you can, this entry separates the pirates from the aristocrats!

Mary Read be born in England, th' illegitimate lass o' a captain's widow. Mary had a half-brother from th' lass' mother's marriage who jus' happened t' be havin' somewhat o' an inheritance. When th' laddie sank t'Davy Jones' locker, th' lass' mother, worried about Mary's future an' th' lass' brother's inheritance, began dressin' Mary as a boy t' pass her off as her legitimate son so that Mary could inherit th' treasure. That be how Mary came t' be known as "Mark." However, Mary tookst th' lass' mother by surprise when she decided men's clothin' (an' lifestyle) be more t' th' lass' taste. Her' mother disowned th' lass' an' Mary/Mark ran away t' work on a ship an' then join th' army. T'would be thar that she would meet her husband.

After bein' a successful soldier Mary an' her husband tookst an early retirement an' opened up an inn called "The Three Horseshoes" in th' Netherlands. Mary seemed t' enjoy her role as an innkeeper's buxom beauty an' adopted lasses's clothin' which she had previously avoided. Sadly, th' lass' husband sank t'Davy Jones' locker an' Mary closed th' inn, became Mark again, an' joined a merchant ship. When th' ship be captured by seafarin' heartys, Mary convinced them t' let her become part o' th' crew an' th' rest be history.

Somewhere down th' line, Mary (in one o' them Pirates of the Caribbean-types o' seafarin' hearty community scenes, I imagine) met up wi' another lady-buccaneer by way o' Charleston in th' Colonies, Anne Bonny. Th' two serviced under Captain "Calico Jack" Rackham (Anne Bonny`s lover). Mary be still goin' as "Mark" at this time but when Anne developed a crush on th' lass', she revealed herself as a lass t' save Anne some embarrassment an' Captain Jack, th' trouble o' killin' th' lass' in a jealous rage. Anne an' Mary soon be inseparable an' terrorized th' high seas together.

Mary fell in love again, this time wi' a sea artist who be forced into Rackham`s crew. Th' forced crew-mate somehow managed t' rub another crew member the wrong way. Th' much more experienced seafarin' hearty challenged th' lad t' a duel. Mary, fearin' fer her lover, purposely began an argument wi' th' pirate which turned into a duel. When Mary's boy-toy showed up fer his impendin' duel he found his rival wouldna be arrivin' due t' havin' suddenly died.

But good times canna last ere. Mary an' Anne`s ship be captured an' only th' two ladies be determined t' swashbuckle. Sea dogs an' land lubbers else hid inside th' ship. This caused Mary t' fly into a rage an' shoot two jacks an' injure Captain Jack. T'would be o'er an hour before th' ladies could be captured. While in jail in Jamaica, th' ladies "pleaded the'r bellies" in order t' save they's self from a hangin'. Who knows if they really be pregnant. Th' plea may be havin' saved Mary fer th' time bein' but she would soon catch a bad feredurin' th' lass' imprisonment which be t' be th' fatal blow t' this tart o' th' sea.

[Thanks to PirateSpeak]

For the Landlubbers:
Mary had a half-brother from her mother's marriage who just happened to have somewhat of an inheritance. When the brother died, her mother, worried about Mary's future and her son's inheritance, began dressing Mary as a boy to pass him off as her legitimate son so that Mary could inherit the money. That is how Mary came to be known as 'Mark.' However, Mary took her mother by surprise when she decided men's clothing (and lifestyle) was more to her taste. Her mother disowned her and Mary/Mark ran away to work on a ship and then join the army. It was there that she would meet her husband.

After being a successful soldier Mary and her husband took an early retirement and opened up an inn called "The Three Horseshoes" in the Netherlands. Mary seemed to enjoy her role as an innkeeper's wife and adopted women's clothing which she had previously avoided. Sadly, her husband died and Mary closed the inn, became Mark again, and joined a merchant ship. When the ship was captured by pirates, Mary convinced them to let her become part of the crew and the rest is history.

Somewhere down the line, Mary (in one of those Pirates of the Caribbean-types of pirate community scenes, I imagine) met up with another lady-buccaneer by way of Charleston in the Colonies, Anne Bonny. The two serviced under Captain "Calico Jack" Rackham (Anne Bonny's lover). Mary was still going as "Mark" at this time but when Anne developed a crush on her, she revealed herself as a woman to save Anne some embarrassment and Captain Jack, the trouble of killing her in a jealous rage. Anne and Mary soon were inseparable and terrorized the high seas together.

Mary fell in love again, this time with a sea artist who was forced into Rackham's crew. The forced crew-mate somehow managed to rub another crew member another way. The much more experienced pirate challenged him to a duel. Mary, fearing for her lover, purposely began an argument with the pirate which turned into a duel. When Mary's boy-toy showed up for his impending duel he found his rival would not be arriving due to having suddenly died.

But good times can't last forever. Mary and Anne's ship was captured and only the two ladies were determined to fight. Everyone else hid inside the ship. This caused Mary to fly into a rage and shoot two sailors and injure Captain Jack. It was over an hour before the ladies could be captured. While in jail in Jamaica, the ladies "pleaded their bellies" in order to save themselves from a hanging. Who knows if they really were pregnant. The plea may have saved Mary for the time being but she would soon catch a bad fever during her imprisonment which was to be the fatal blow to this tart of the sea.