The Fuss About Voltaire

Love that smirk! It's hard to summarize someone as full as personality and as controversial as Voltaire. Briefly, Voltaire was the pen-name of François-Marie Arouet, a Parisian who was causing trouble as soon as he exited the womb. His father was determined to make him a lawyer, but although Voltaire had the fighting spirit, he craved to express it with the pen, outside the courtroom. Monsieur was very critical of the French judicial system as well as religion. It was his words which got Voltaire in trouble not only with his parents but also with the government, landing him in the Bastille and then later putting him in exile in England among other places. This only fired up the philosopher more and he only wrote more, this time with his new found anglophilia, discussing how the British constitutional monarchy was much more successful than the French absolute monarchy; oh if only they had listened! Voltaire was sassy to the very end. Dying in 1778, his last words were to a priest attempting to have him renounce his atheist ways, "For God's sake, let me die in peace." Love him or hate him, I think we could all use a modern Volatire right now!

But the best means of celebrating or studying Voltaire would probably be with his own words. After all, he had no problem can speaking for himself!

Voltaire on...

Freedom of Speech
“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”

Stupidity
“Common sense is not so common.”

Marriage
"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly."
"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law."

Being Snarky
"A witty saying proves nothing."

War
“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets”

Responsibility
“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.”
“The longer we dwell on our misfortunes the greater is their power to harm us”

The Fairer Sex
"I hate women because they always know where things are."

Religion
“Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd, and bloody religion that has ever infected the world”
"Of all religions, the Christian should of course inspire the most tolerance, but until now Christians have been the most intolerant of all men."

The Opposition
"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it."

Georgiana the Author

"I should be very happy if I could borrow some friendly Sylph (if any are so kind to hover about Hardwick)..."

-Georgiana, in a letter to her mother

When Georgiana was a naive, young girl of sixteen with her whole life ahead of her she did something unusual for a daughter of an aristocrat: she wrote a book. Emma was published anonymously and tells a story similar to Austen's Pride and Prejudice in that first impressions are not always reliable. It tells of a young woman who finds herself in love with a man but forced to marry another. The book is often forgotten and there is little knowledge it in history.

Georgiana's second book was published during the height of her popularity when she was newly married and had just made her name for herself as a fashion icon (think: Victoria Beckham when she was a newlywed). Again, she published it anonymously, which given the scandalous details, could have ruined the reputation Georgiana was enjoying. It was called The Sylph and was so popular it went through four editions quickly. It was written in the form of letters, just like Fanny Burney's Evelina.* The story is that of the naive country girl, Julia, who marries a rich aristocrat but soon discovers him to be a rake who spends all his money on gambling and mistresses. To distract herself from her woes, Julia involves herself in the ton and fashion, making friends and frenimies with the elite. Meanwhile her home life only gets worse when her husband gets more and more abusive. Her fellow wives of the ton bring little consolidation because they are just as ill-used by their husbands. In her worst time of need an anonymous person calling himself The Slyph (a sylph was a mythical invisible spirit) writes to her offering her advice. Eventually, Julia is forced to run away from her husband (who promptly commits suicide) and she discovers the true identity of The Slyph and the two wed. Does the story sound familiar? The first half it anyway.

The Sylph was based on Georgiana's personal experiences as a debutant in high society. It didn't take a genius to recognize the similarity between the fictional Julia and the young Duchess of Devonshire so it wasn't long before everyone had figured out who the author was, although Georgiana would never publicly admit it. This only helped sales. Another part of the book's success was its scandalous details which were were labeled "obscene" by the Blue Stocking Group (one of the first feminists groups). The Gentleman's Magazine was made uncomfortable by the author's knowledge of the ton and the details of the physical and sexual abuse.

Although fiction, The Sylph stands as a great contemporary document into the ton. It is made up of many stories from Georgiana's personal life, stories of the abuse her friends suffered and the snobbery she herself was involved in. That, is possibly why the book was received with such shock. People to this day, always seem more frightened by fact than fiction; even if that fiction is fact.

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Would you be interested if we began reading The Sylph here? (ie: a chapter a week)

Yes! I need more scandal! No thanks, it doesn't tempt me.

*When it was first published, many thought The Sylph was Burney's work which her publisher didn't negate, only boosting sales further.

Tart of the Week: Charlotte Charke

Charlotte Cibber, daughter of the famous poet laureate Colley Cibber, was a curious creature of many talents. She was an actress, author, transvestite, puppeteer, playwright, and even a sausage maker at one point. Charlotte was born in 1713 and received her education at a girl's school. When she later moved away to live with her mother she continued her education independently by teaching herself skills a women's education usually neglected such as shooting and horse racing. At thirteen she developed an interest in medicine and began studying to be a doctor. As soon as her father began receiving the supply bills, he immediately put a stop to her independent studies.

Time for a new career goal.

Charlotte married musician, Richard Charke and used her new marital status in order to secure a job. This time she tried her hand at acting; her father was the purveyor of Drury Lane, after all. She took to the art and soon was taking on my roles, including breeches roles, where she would have to dress as a boy. Usually young, attractive actresses like Mary Robinson were given these roles as an excuse to show off their legs. After five years on stage, Charlotte had had enough of theatre bureaucracy and went off to start HER OWN theater company. Soon afterward, Parliment passed a censorship law, making it illegal to perform any play that hadn't been approved by them. Charlotte venomously opposed the bill and was left without a job soon afterward. By this time her husband had run off to Jamaica and died shortly thereafter. Charlotte was now a single mother who was unemployed.

The next chapter of Charlotte's life was quite different. She took up puppeteering, eventually owning her own Punch and Judy theatre. She also wasn't just playing the breeches role on stage; now she was dressing as a man in public and would even go by the name of Charles Brown. Whether this was because she identified as a man more than a tart or just a means of escaping debt we do not know. At one point a young heiress fell in love with "Charles" and "he" proposed. Sadly, the engagment fell through. Once she was taken to debtor's prison, but the prostitutes of Covent Garden banded together to spring "Master Charles'" bail Girl power!

After many years of ups and downs with the theatre business, Charlotte decided she was too old for the business and settled down to be an author. After two successful novels, Charlotte wrote her memoirs, which, as that genre tended to be, were eagarly snatched up by the gossip-loving public. Charlotte died at age 47 in 1760, a mere two years after her famous father died.

Tart of the Week: Laetitia Pilkington

The witty Laetitia van Lewen was born in 1709 in Ireland to a well-standing family. At the ripe age of sixteen Laetitia met a priest for the Anglican, Church of Ireland and the two were married. His name was Matthew Pilkington. Almost as soon as Laetitia was married, she and her new husband became acquainted with Jonathon Swift, the author of Gulliver's Travels.

Swift, already a noted talent, was taken with the young couple and they spent many a night together discussing this and that. He notice Laetitia's knack for poetry and encouraged the skill. He, himself was inspired by the couple. He fondly dubbed Laetitia "her Serene Highness of Lilliput." So fond was Mr. Swift of the Pilkingtons that he was able to get Matthew a good job in London. Laetitia stayed in Ireland with Mr. Swift humming and hawing over her grammar and refining her poetic speech.

When Laetitia visited her husband in London a couple years later, she was disgusted to find that he had fallen in love with a Drury Lane actress and had involved himself in shady political schemes. Laetitia made the best of her new situation in London and networked with both those of the fashionable set and writers. After putting up with her husband's affair, Laetitia embarked on her own amorous adventure, with William Adair. Matthew came home early one night to discover the two alone in her bedroom. Uh-oh! He promptly filed for divorce.

Not only did the pricey and time-consuming divorce separate the married couple but it also estranged them from Jonathon Swift. The stuffy author did not want to be associated with a separated couple. He now dubbed Laetitia the "profligate whore." Harsh.

After the divorce, Laetitia, now with little money, dove into her work. She wrote and published poems, feminist prologues, and operas. Her writings helped her survive, although she did land in debtor's prison at one point. Her talent also introduced her to other great minds of the time. She famously became friends with Colley Cibber and put her wit on display in her book, Apology for the Life of Colley Cibber, Comedian. Her most popular work, which was to make her famous was her Memoirs. She was never to see her work completed. Laetitia died from a bleeding ulcer in 1750 while writing the third volume of her Memoirs. Her son would later complete the volumes by having the last, and unfinished volume published four years after his mother's death.

Hunk Alert: Alexander Pope

SWM, Poet, small but with chiseled good-looks seeking a woman of wit for some lively, intelligent conversation
Likes: Homer, Shakespeare, sardonic commentary

Unlike my fellow countrymen, you will not find me arguing in issues of religion or politics. I like my battlefield to be society's funny ways, and my weapon of choice is my quill. I am the typical writer-type who is often seen buried between books more than women. Actually, I fear I spend most of my time bs-ing with my closest buddies, John Gay, Joseph Addison, Jonathon Swift, and John Arbuthnot. We all have like minds, you know.

I am looking for a Catholic lady of taste who enjoys entertaining at home and who knows when to give me space when I'm translating ancient works, such as The Iliad, into English. Must love the works of The Bard as well.

Tart of the Week: Mary Wollstonecraft

Mary Wollstonecraft began her life in humble beginnings in London in 1759. Her family was not poor but her father squandered their money which forced the family to move to several places. He also turned out to be a drunken brute and was abusive to his wife. At the age of 19 Mary had had enough and moved to Bath to be a paid companion to a crotchety old lady. She was forced back home two years later to care for her dying mother.

Her return home rekindled her friendship with Fanny Blood, who would become her best friend. Together the two women conspired to living together and being financially independent. This was next to impossible for a woman to do at the time and the plan didn't work. However they did manage to open up a girls school. Mary got her sister Eliza involved in the school as well as a means of escape from her abusive husband. By doing this Mary doomed her sister to social crucifixion but saved her life by hiding her from her awful husband. Is it no surprise that at this point Mary became disenchanted with the whole idea of men?

She began to look at her surroundings and think about complete idiots guys were and how they were only good for sex now and then. Part of the problem, Mary thought, was that women were brought up to just accept this crap from men. She began teaching her students in a more empowering manner that she felt was more beneficial for the sex. The radical publisher Joseph Johnson was impressed by Mary's ideas and commissioned her to write Thoughts on the Education of Girls.

Unfortunately, Fanny got married and her tuberculosis worsened, forcing her to warmer climates. Mary immediately dropped everything and followed her friend to nurse her. The school the two ladies worked so hard on fell to ruin and Fanny unfortunately did not survive the disease. Her death inspired Mary to write her only novel, Mary which was loosely based on Fanny and criticized young woman who imagined themselves to be sentimental heroines. I guess that means she wouldn't have liked Austen's Northanger Abbey. Or would she??

A rebirth seemed to happen after this. Mary sought to better herself academically, learning different languages and attending intellectual dinners; consequently she began building a radical name for herself as society watched in horror. The French Revolution was a hot topic at the time, and Mary heavily disagreed with Edmund Burke's conservative views of the Revolution and in response wrote the Vindication of the Rights of Men which horrified Burke and made her a household name. She followed up with her most famous book, The Vindication of the Rights of Women which is regarded as one of the earliest feminist writings.

Her wanderings brought her to France during the worst of the Revolution. Here she met the American adventurer Gilbert Imlay and fell head over heels for him. He was a dashing freethinker like Mary who fulfilled her need for companionship. She gave birth to his daughter in 1791 and named her Fanny. Having a child seemed to open up maternal feelings in Mary and she seemed to appear smothering to Imlay, even referring to herself as Mrs. Imlay to protect her daughter. Imlay left her, promising to return. When he did not Mary went to England looking for him and was met with his clear rejection.This was devastating to Mary and she attempted to kill herself but was saved by Imlay. Her life in crisis, Mary decided to travel the continent, but only in the icy peaks of Scandinavia, which no one ever went to. Mary went there only with her daughter an a maid. She wrote a series of fictional broken-hearted letters to Imlay which were latter published.

She returned to England only to attempt suicide once again. Like a ghost, Mary wandered in the rain to make her clothes heavy before jumping into the River Thames. Once again, she was saved, much to her disappointment. She slowly returned to her old life in which she was in the comfort of other radical authors. One of the authors was William Godwin, Mary's soul mate. He admitted falling in love with her in her fictionalized love letters, "If ever there was a book calculated to make a man in love with its author, this appears to me to be the book." William and Mary had very similar ideas and a certain understanding of each other. However, Mary's distrust of William's sex caused her to wait a while before a courtship could begin. William was persistent and he doted on Fanny and soon enough Mary realized he was the ideal man for her, someone who looked on her as an equal and who was a friend before a lover. Despite both parties not believing in marriage, the two were married in 1797 when it was discovered that Mary was pregnant.

Mary gave birth relatively easily to another daughter. Sadly, she contracted septicemia due to complications from the birth and after several days of agony she died. 'Devastated' does not even begin to describe William's sadness. He later went on to commemorate her in a biography.

William, being a good father, raised both his daughter and Fanny with the best childhood he could give them. He named her Mary after her mother and she went on to marry a Percy Shelley and become a famous author like her parents, writing the novel, Frankenstein.

Tart of the Week: Mary "Perdita" Robinson

The actress, poet and author known as Perdita in her celebrity life was born Mary Darby and at the tender age of 16 she married Tom Robinson, the bastard child of some rich guy. What Mary is most known for was her very public secret affair with the Prince of Wales as well as her acting career. Both, despite her celebrity from them, were actually very brief. She was prince's first big love, and he would write her impassioned love letters (which he signed Florizel and addressed to Perdita based on the play he was introduced to her in) which she blackmailed him with later when she needed some cash. When the teenage prince grew bored of their very public affair, he promptly replaced her with Grace Dalrymple Elliot, a rival tart.

A Correspondent says that Dally the Tall gave a superb fete last night at her house near Tyburn Turnpike, in consequence of the Perdita's departure for the Continent, whose superior charms have long been the daily subject of Dally's envy and abuse."
-The Morning Herald 19 Oct. 1781

Mary was not only a foe of the other tricks of the town, she also rivaled the Duchess of Devonshire in her ability to start new fashion trends.

The second half of her life was extremely opposite to the extravagance of the first half. She was permanently separated from her super lame husband (believe me, SUPER lame) and devoted her life to her writings. She became paralyzed from the waist down in an impassioned act of love for the true love of her life, the super dreamy Banastre Tarleton. Their relationship lasted many years before his family (who hated Mary) finally got him to marry some teenager, leaving Mary a bitter, bitter (already feminist) author. She was very devoted to her art, and hung out with only the coolest authors such as uber-cool chick, Mary Wollstoncraft. However, she will eternally be remembered as Perdita, the dame who robbed the sweet prince of his virginity....probably.